A Good Man
by NickandLiv
Summary: Olivia and Brian and their life after Lewis. Sorry, summaries are not my thing.
1. Chapter 1 - Beginning Again

**I WROTE THIS STORY FOR TWO REASONS. 1. BECAUSE MY TWITTER BESTIE IS A BENSIDY FAN AND, 2. BECAUSE I WANTED TO SEE IF I COULD WRITE OBJECTIVELY ABOUT SOMETHING THAT I HATE SO MUCH. **

**THERE ARE A FEW THINGS THAT I CHANGED IN THIS STORY. BRIAN NEVER LOST HIS SHIELD. THERE WAS NO HOOKER SCANDAL FOR HIM AND HE IS A DETECTIVE, FIRST GRADE IN VICE. SINCE THERE WAS NO HOOKER SCANDAL FOR HIM, THERE WAS NEVER A CYNTHIA. SHE AND GILBERTO DO NOT EXIST! (I hate her anyway) ALTHOUGH IT IS ONLY IMPLIED. OLIVIA WAS RAPED BY WILLIAM LEWIS. THAT BEING SAID, I PRESENT MY STORY. YOU KNOW THE DISCLAIMER, I OWN NOTHING. DICK WOLF IS GOD, NBC IS THE HOLY GHOST AND UNIVERSAL IS THE MESSIAH. IT'S THEIR WORLD AND I'M JUST PLAYING IN IT! **

* * *

**BENSIDY APARTMENT**

It was a little after nine pm. She had just finished showering and getting ready for bed. She stood there in front of the bathroom mirror after brushing her teeth and a smile suddenly appeared. She couldn't remember a time in her life when she felt as peaceful as she did right now. She was in love with a wonderful man who she knew loved her more than she ever dreamed any man could. It had been a tumultuous road for them, but right now they were truly happy. It was crazy to think how it had almost been destroyed.

It had been six months since her world had been torn apart. Six months since she had been forced to reevaluate and rebuild her entire life and He had gone above and beyond to make sure that she would be okay again.

The funny thing was, before this had happened, she had been unsure about exactly where their relationship was going. She cared for him, this much she knew, but still, she couldn't help feeling that maybe he wasn't what she needed. That she was kidding herself into seeing what she wanted him to be. When the truth was, Brian was often petulant and immature and she didn't know if she could build from that; or if she even wanted to for that matter! Yet lo and behold, one day the universe up and shifted and she found herself on a course that changed everything she thought she knew. And when it all fell completely apart, Brian was the one who painstakingly put it all back together.

He had been a Godsend. He had been her rock, her backbone during the worst time in her life, a time that not only changed her, but changed him as well. The hell she'd endured during those 4 days with William Lewis seemed like a walk in the park compared to the hell she went through in its aftermath. For a month after her attack, she had nightmares that were so vivid, she would wake up screaming in sheer terror, often ending up crouched in a corner, in a trans-like state, shaking and crying uncontrollably and Brian would be right there to talk her through it, no matter how long it took, even if it meant that he himself got no sleep.

He'd held her hand through the rape exam, comforting her as best he could and reminding her why it was important when it became too much for her and she would cry for them to stop. He'd seen her injuries and it had taken everything in him to fight his tears as well as his rage from surfacing because he knew that falling apart was not an option.

He'd even taken a 6 week leave from the department in order to be there for her, and he was. He was there through every meltdown, every flashback. Every single time she'd be so completely overwhelmed that she couldn't breathe, he was right there. He would talk to her, listen to her, comfort her, hold her, reassure her; whatever she needed, even if what she needed was to take her anger out on him, he allowed it and he did it all with patience, love and understanding, never once putting demands on her. There were times where she didn't want to be touched or looked at but then there were times when all she wanted was to be in his arms; to feel his strength and know that she was safe. He liked those times.

During these past six months, she began seeing Brian in a new light and it washed away every doubt she had about where she belonged. She knew it was with him.

She walked out of the bathroom, surprised to see him there in their bedroom. Vice had been working a particularly tough case and with Brian being the lead detective, he'd been keeping crazy hours lately, sometimes not getting in until three or four in the morning if at all.

"You're home early." She said as she stood in front of him where he was sitting on the bed and kissed him sweetly on the lips.

"We finally got a break in the case so I thought I'd come home to my favorite girl." He said as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "Mmm, you smell good!" He said and pulled her in for another kiss. She smiled and it was quiet for a moment as she looked into his eyes as if searching for something.

"What?" he wondered.

"I love you so damn much!" she told him as she caressed his face. "I don't think I tell you enough how blessed I am to have you!"

"Not nearly as blessed as I am to have you. I love you Liv, I just hope that one day, you'll know how much!"

"I already do!" she said. He pulled her closer and they kissed. He was always careful to not give too much. He knew that she was still gun-shy when it came to intimacy. She would snuggle up in his arms and over the last couple months, she had allowed kissing but that's as far as it had gone ever since… he quickly pushed the thought out of his mind and just as quickly replaced it with the last time they had been together six months prior, a lazy Sunday morning. He remembered how good it felt to be inside of her, her legs around his waist as her pinned her arms down and fucked her hard. She loved it when he took control. He wondered if he'd ever be that way with her again. He could feel himself getting hard.

"Bri?" he suddenly snapped out of his reverie.

"I'm sorry Babe."

"Where'd you go just now?"

"…um, nowhere." I'm gonna go use the bathroom, I'll be right back." He said as he moved to get up, she put her hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him back down.

"You don't need that tonight." She told him and moved closer. He was a little embarassed. she knew.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you have had the patience of a saint." She caressed his face. "You can give your hand the night off." She leaned in and kissed him seductively on the lips.

"Liv, you don't have to-"

"No, but I want to!" As they kissed, she climbed onto his lap, wrapping her long legs around him.

"Are you sure about this?"

She smiled and pulled him for another kiss. He was hesitant at first but soon his mouth was crashing over hers, kissing her passionately while his hands found their way underneath her shirt and caressed the silky skin of her back, the feeling of being able to touch her like this going straight to his dick. This time she didn't stop him, she wrapped herself tighter around him, moaning into his mouth when she felt his erection against her. Suddenly, she felt his hands begin to move from her back, around to her breasts and she panicked, quickly pushing his hands off. The mood had been killed.

"What's wrong?"

"Just…not there."

"Liv, it's ok. You don't hav-"

"Please, baby." He saw the look in her eyes and his heart broke. Most of what had been inflicted on her body during the attack had healed and was no longer noticeable, but there were areas with injuries that had been so severe, she would forever carry ugly scars as a reminder. Her left breast was one such area;

"I don't ever want you to feel ashamed with me." she looked away from him. "Hey." He gently turned her head to look at him. "I love you…all of you. And a few scars won't change that." It was silent for a moment as a tear slid down her cheek.

"I still feel so…ugly." She murmured. He wiped her tears as his eyes looked deep into her own, speaking so softly to her, it barely registered above a whisper

"No. you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. Every inch of you!" she didn't speak as more tears fell. "I love you and I don't want you carry this shame because there's nothing for you to be ashamed of. Please, let me see you."

"I can't."

"you can…" he assured her as he caressed her face. "you just have to trust me." he said softly while tracing a path from her cheek, down to her collarbone and finally to the buttons on her nightshirt and let his hands rest there, refusing to go any further without her permission and, never once breaking contact with her eyes.

"Bri-"

"it's alright…you gotta trust me, Liv." she took a deep breath while closing her eyes, allowing the last of her tears to fall and swallowing the lump in her throat. When she opened them again, she shuddered, biting her lip. There was so much love in his eyes. It was the same love that had given her the strength to survive after literally being put through hell. Right there, in that moment, she again drew on that strength, knowing that it was time to shed that last vestige of the hold that Lewis had on her life.

Slowly, she removed his hands from her shirt, nervously resting them on her thighs.

"Baby, I promise, it'll be ok." He assured her again. She let out a deep breath, and with shaking hands, she began to undo her buttons. He sat watching her, not saying a word, knowing that this had to be on her terms or not at all, and he wouldn't have had it any other way.

When she finally undid the last button, she sat there for a long moment, holding her shirt closed, her hands trembling. Slowly, she opened her shirt and then quickly let it fall away from her body, leaving her in nothing but her panties. She made no attempt to shield her nakedness from his eyes. She just sat there on his lap in silence, completely vulnerable, waiting for his reaction.

He didn't say a word. Instead he allowed his actions to speak for him. He let his eyes drink her in. They traveled wondrously over every inch of her, every curve before slowly reaching out to touch the long, raised scar at her right hip. She drew in her breath when his fingers made contact, feeling his warmth radiate through her entire body. He lingered there for a moment, lovingly stroking the angry, red welt as if trying to as if trying to soothe the hate with which it was inflicted before travelling higher, skimming over a trail of healed cuts and burns. When he reached her breast he suddenly stopped. It boasted a large crescent-shaped burn that began at the top of the outer swell and continued down, stopping an inch below the nipple. She felt her anxiety rise as his fingers began to smooth over the scorched flesh.

"You're so perfect!" he said, marveling at the grotesque scar as if it was a beautiful work of art and slowly, she felt her apprehension begin to dissipate. He leaned in closer and began planting kisses on and around it. Her hands immediately went to the back of his neck and she sucked in her breath when she felt the stubble from his chin brush against her nipple, causing it to harden immediately. In seconds, he was teasing it with his tongue before he drew it into his mouth.

"Baby!" she moaned, throwing her head back while running her fingers through his hair. She had forgotten how good it felt to be with him like this. He released her nipple and kissed his way up to her neck where he kissed, sucked and licked at the sensitive spot that he knew all-too-well would make her crazy.

"Oh God!" she gasped as her eyes rolled. It had been too long but he had hit the spot with perfect precision. She suddenly felt the urge start to build between her legs and it took her completely by surprise. Then, just as unexpectedly, her whole body was on fire!

"Make love you me…now!" she cried. She pulled his head away from her neck and held it, kissing him deep and passionately before he took control, and in one quick move, had her down on her back, on the bed, him on top as they continued kissing.

Their lovemaking was beautiful and gentle, him savoring every inch of her body. He had missed the feel of her, the taste of her, the sound of her and he took his time to let her know exactly how much he had. They lay in each other's arms when it was over, tangled up in the sheets, listening to the sound of the rain falling softly outside. He looked down at her when he felt tears on his chest.

"… you ok?"

"…yeah."

"Why the tears?"

"…Because, for the first time in my life, it doesn't feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"and as long as I'm breathing, you never will again… I love you Liv!" she looked up at him, smiling.

"Why don't you show me again? But, um…not quite so gentle this time, I won't break." A huge grin spread across his face before her smothered her lips with his kiss. God, how he loved this woman!

* * *

**SIX WEEKS LATER**

Thirteen days before Christmas and she had been sick for an entire week. Half the precinct was out with the flu right now but unlike everyone else, she refused to stay home, feeling as if she'd already missed enough time while recuperating from her attack over the summer. Today however, was actually her day off and she was thankful because she just didn't have the strength to drag herself into work.

"Good Morning, Beautiful." Brian greeted as he stepped into the bedroom with a tray of breakfast. The smell of the eggs hit her nose and Olivia jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. She quickly dropped to her knees in front of the toilet and began throwing up. Brian quickly put the tray down on the dresser and within seconds, he was right beside her, holding her hair back. "I'd hoped you'd be feeling better this morning."

"I'll be fine."

"Maybe you should see a doctor."

"I just need to rest." she insisted and inhaled deep. That triggered the nausea and she threw up again and immediately again before closing the lid and flushing. She leaned on the lid, resting her head on her arms, and groaned at the burning in her throat. She stayed in that position for a moment. She was so dizzy.

"Let's get you back to bed."

"okay." She agreed but made no attempt to move. He scooped her up and she didn't argue; she was too weak. She just lay there in his arms and allowed him to put her to bed. She didn't know how she could be this tired after just waking up. _Maybe I should ease up a little with work until I feel better_. She thought to herself.

"Liv, you gotta stop pushing yourself so hard" Brian said on cue as if reading her mind. She gave a weak smile.

"Get outta my head."

"You wanna try a little breakfast?" she simply shook her head no. "Liv, please, you gotta eat something."

"I can't keep anything down." That, plus she had been throwing up day and night for a week and her throat was raw.

"Okay. Um, tea. I made you some tea." He went to the dresser and got it from the tray then sat beside her on the bed. "just a couple sips, it's your favorite, peppermint." Just the smell of the mint made her feel like gagging and she pushed the mug away.

"No."

"Please babe, for me. You have to stay hydrated." He was obviously worried. He'd never seen her so sick.

"No tea. Water." She insisted.

"Water it is!" he was relieved that she'd agreed to drink something, he put the tea back on the tray and carried everything out of the room, hurrying to the kitchen to get the water. He came back a moment later carrying several bottles Fiji.

"Bri!"

"I know, I know." He said as he arranged the bottles on the nightstand. "…just making sure you have as much as you need." As miserable as she was feeling, she couldn't help but smile.

"you take such good care of me."

"and I always will!" he kissed her on the forehead and opened a bottle before handing it to her. She put the bottle to her lips and sipped slowly. "Maybe you should think about taking a couple more days off until you're feeling better.

"I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow. Speaking of work, you're gonna be late."

"If you need me to stay…"

"Stop worrying. I have no plans to get out of this bed today."

"Do you have any idea how sexy that would sound if you weren't sick?"

"Get out!" she laughed.

"I'm going!" he kissed her on the lips. "I'll see you tonight… Hydrate!"

"Yes, Dr. Cassidy!" he smiled before kissing her again.

"Okay." He kissed her again. "I gotta go" …then, twice more before leaving the bedroom. "Call if you need me!" she heard from the hall before hearing the door slam shut. She took another drink from her water bottle before recapping it and sitting it beside the others on the nightstand. She let out a deep breath and settled against the pillows, closing her eyes and praying that she could get through the rest of the day without her head in the toilet. Her prayers quickly proved to be in vain as her stomach turned and she went flying to the bathroom.

* * *

**LATER THAT AFTERNOON…**

It was just after 1pm and Olivia was sleeping soundly, her nausea having finally settled down a few hours ago. Suddenly her phone began ringing and she groaned in protest as it jarred her from her sleep. She thought about not answering but after a couple more rings she decided that it might be important and reached over to the nightstand and picked it up, answering before she checked the caller ID.

"Benson"

"Liv, hey, it's Nick. I'm sorry to bother you on your day off, especially with you bein' sick…"

"Nick, it's ok."

"How are you feelin', by the way?"

"Lousy. What's going on?" he couldn't help but smile. That's his partner, always straight to the point.

"uh, Janine Nicholson, you remember?"

"Yeah, the DV case we caught a month ago. She said her husband raped her but then she said she was confused and it didn't happen. Has she changed her mind about pressing charges?

"we got another call about an hour ago, another domestic disturbance at her apartment. Neighbor called it in. We got there and she was pretty banged up. we found the husband in the kitchen with eleven stab wounds…eight of them to him penis." Olivia's mouth dropped.

"anyway, we're here at Mercy. She's willing to give a statement but she'll only talk to you." Olivia sighed.

"Keep her calm. I'm on my way."

"Liv, you're sick"

"I'm on my way!" She took a moment before throwing back the covers and getting out of bed but felt dizzy as soon as she stood up so she sat back down. After a few seconds, she got up and made her way to her dresser where she grabbed a pair of jeans and a tee shirt and tossed them on the bed before heading to the bathroom for a quick shower.

* * *

**MERCY HOSPITAL**

Nick looked over at his partner when she'd arrived, she was obviously not well and he immediately regretted calling her to come here in the first place.

A couple hours later, and Olivia was still at the hospital with Janine. The young woman was terrified after having had to resort to stabbing her husband to fend off a vicious rape and beating. She had recounted to Olivia every detail she could recall in her agitated state. Olivia listened empathetically and assured her that everything would be ok. Suddenly, she felt as if her head was spinning and she took a deep breath but it wasn't deep enough. She felt like she needed air.

"Janine, I'm gonna step outside for just a second." She slowly got up from her chair. She was dizzy and her head was pounding. She staggered as she took a step.

"Liv, you ok?" Nick rushed over to her, wrapping his arm around her waist to steady her.

"I'm fine" She said as they walked out of the room.

"bullshit! I'm taking you home!"

"I can't just leave…"

"Look, it's either me, or I call Cassidy to come get you. Either way, you are going home!"

She wanted to protest but she knew he was right. She felt terrible and needed to be in bed.

"Ok. I'm just gonna make sure Janine is alright before I go." She turned and took a step towards the room, the second she did, her body let her know that it had had enough. She knew that she was going to faint and she called out to her partner in a weak, barely audible voice.

"Nick…" He turned around just as she collapsed and he caught her in his arms. She was out cold.

"SHE NEEDS HELP, GET A DOCTOR!" he yelled as he lifted her limp body. She looked so small and helpless lying there in his arms. "Liv, come on, don't do this open your eyes Liv!" but she wasn't responsive and he felt as if he were in a haze. He had no idea who took her from his arms, or how he answered the questions that the ER staff asked him. All he knew was that he found himself pacing the ER over an hour later, desperate to hear that she'd be ok. He needed for her to be ok. He should never have called her. He knew he shouldn't have but Janine had been so traumatized and insisted on talking to her. No, that's was no excuse. He knew how sick she was, he should have called Rollins – but then if he hadn't called Olivia and she had found out, she would have handed his ass to him and he knew it. He smiled. That was one of the things he loved so much about her, she was so dedicated. He looked again at his watch and his nervousness set in all over again. Why hadn't he heard anything?

* * *

She slowly opened her eyes and grimaced at the bright lights above her, quickly closing them again and groaning at the pain in her head.

"Detective Benson?" she heard a voice call to her. She turned her head in the direction the voice was coming from and forced herself to open her eyes again.

"Good to see you're awake." The nurse smiled. "I'm Gina."

"What happened?"

"You fainted, but you'll be fine. I'll go and let the Doctor know that you're awake, he should be in shortly. You just relax."

"Is my partner still here?"

"Gorgeous man that was with you?" Olivia laughed to herself. "He's right outside. I'll send him in."

"Thank you." Gina left and Olivia looked around the cubicle. She was hooked up to a blood pressure monitor on her upper arm, a heart rate monitor on the tip of her index finger, and there was an IV drip attached to the back of her hand. She couldn't help but think how silly it was that they were making such a fuss over someone who fainted when there were actual sick people in this place.

Outside in the waiting room, Nurse Gina approached a nervous looking Nick.

"Detective Amaro?" he snapped to attention.

"How is she?"

"She's awake and asking for you." He let out a sigh of relief. "Follow me, I'll take you back." Gina couldn't believe how beautiful the man was. She definitely didn't meet many men like him in her line of work.

As he followed her through the ER, she figured she might as well take a shot.

"So Detective, I was wondering if maybe I could see you again…outside of work."

"I'm sorry?"

"You know, maybe we could meet up for coffee…or something!" Nick smiled, flattered at the offer, but…

"Uhhh…sorry sweetheart, but…I'm married." He lied. Sure, it was still technically true. His divorce hadn't been finalized yet so he was still _legally _Maria's husband.

"Of course you are!" She was thoroughly embarrassed. "I'm so sorry."

"It's ok…Gina, was it?" she nodded, feeling like an idiot. "Don't worry about it."

"Um, your friend, she's in the third cubicle, straight down, on the right."

"Thanks."

Olivia was waiting for the Doctor to come in when Nick tapped on the partially open glass door before stepping inside.

"Hey. How do you feel?" he asked as he took a seat in the chair against the wall after bringing it to her bedside.

"Still lousy, but better." She smiled

"That's good to hear." He sat fidgeting with his tie. He didn't know what to say to her without sounding like a blubbering idiot so he waited for her to speak.

"You didn't call Brian did you?"

"No. I uh, I figured you wouldn't want to worry him until we knew…"

"Thank you." He nodded.

"Look, Liv I'm sorry. If I hadn't called you down here…"

"Nick, stop it. If it's anybody's fault, it's mine. This flu has been kicking my ass and I knew that I was too sick to be here but I came anyway. Don't beat yourself up, you did the right thing." She squeezed his shoulder, giving him a warm smile. Just then, the Doctor walked in.

"Detective Benson, I'm Doctor Jackson, how are you feeling?"

"…better than when I got here. Is the IV really necessary?" Nick stood up.

"I'll give you some privacy."

'Nick, it's alright. Stay.

"You fainted because you were severely dehydrated. We had to get fluids in you as fast as possible."

"That explains the headaches and the dizziness."

"Yes and no. Are you sure you want him to stay?"

"Yes, now what do you mean?"

"Headaches and dizziness are definite effects of dehydration but in your case, dehydration isn't the only cause – at least not for the dizzy spells."

"That on top of my flu…"

"You don't have the flu."

"What?"

"We ran a culture, no signs of influenza. We also did blood work and I just got the results back from the lab. Congratulations. You're pregnant!" Both, Olivia and Nick's eyes went wide as they looked at each other in disbelief. A huge smile spread across Nicks face. He knew what this would mean to Olivia once it had time to sink in and he was thrilled for her.

"What?" She was in complete shock.

"According to your hormone levels you're about six weeks along." Olivia just sat there, her mouth open, a blank expression on her face.

'I'm… pregnant?" she was still trying to process the news.

"You are."

"So, the dizzy spells…"

"Pregnant." The doctor replied.

"…and the fatigue…" it was slowly sinking in.

"Pregnant." He said again

"the nausea, the vomiting…" this time it was Nick who spoke up.

"Liv, pregnant and pregnant!" You're gonna have a baby! Tears fell from her eyes as a sob escaped her mouth. She usually refrained from being so emotional around others but right now, she didn't care. She had just received the greatest news of her life and she was overjoyed. So overjoyed, that she threw her arms around Nick and cried while he held her. She couldn't wait to tell Brian!

**I'm really interested in know what you guys think so please leave reviews!**

**s/n Cynthia was only ever mentioned because Brian's lawyer found her to discredit Nick. If Brian had never gone to trial, Cynthia would have never come up, and since Nick ever talked about her, she never existed in SVU world! **


	2. Chapter 2 - Christmas Joy

**I AM TRULY TOUCHED AT ALL THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK I'VE GOTTEN ON THIS STORY. THANK YOU ALL FOR READING IT, I PROMISE I WILL KEEP IT INTERESTING UNTIL THE END. HERE'S PART 2. I KNOW THAT IT'S A BIT SHORT BUT I HONESTLY DIDN'T FEEL THAT IT NEEDED ANYTHING MORE. THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE LONGER. ENJOY!**

* * *

**CHRISTMAS EVE**

She had been keeping her secret for two whole weeks. Two weeks of reveling in complete joy at the life growing inside her. She almost told Brian the day she found out but she thought about it and decided that she wanted to wait until Christmas to tell him the news. It had been a challenge keeping it under wraps especially with her symptoms in full swing. The pre-natal vitamins helped to alleviate her tiredness, but, they aggravated her morning sickness. She would be extremely nauseous until noon. Then, without fail, as soon as 6pm rolled around, she'd be on her knees retching violently and cursing the day she went off the pill. In addition, her hormones were making her cry at the slightest thing. Just yesterday, her desk drawer was stuck and she burst into tears, leaving Fin at a complete loss for words!

Nick was still the only person who knew about the baby and she made him swear to keep it to himself. She had no intention of anyone else finding out before Brian did so she made every effort to hide how sick she felt. Nick was a huge help. Every morning he would bring her club soda to help with her nausea but he'd put it in a coffee tumbler so that no one would question why she was drinking it. During the day, he would make sure that she took breaks if she looked tired and came up to the cribs to check on her to make sure that she was actually resting. Their friendship grew even stronger over him sharing something so personal with her. She knew nothing about what to expect, but he had been through it with Maria and was a welcome wealth of knowledge. She would often find herself amused at the fact that Nick, her _male_ partner was her pregnancy buddy. But, neither Alex, nor Casey or Amanda could give much advice seeing as they'd never gone through it themselves. Besides, Casey and Alex were now thousands of miles away, Casey now an ADA in Los Angeles, and Alex being the Senior Legal Advisor for a women's rights advocacy group in Seattle.

* * *

She stood by the window, staring out at the city, admiring how beautiful it was when it snowed. She and Brian had decided to skip the parties they'd been invited to and just have a quiet Christmas Eve at home. Not since she was a child had she been so excited about the holidays. Brian wanted to make this Christmas extra special for her, complete with an 8 foot tree that they themselves had decorated and had done a pretty good job at. She smiled as she ran a hand over her still flat stomach. "our first Christmas together." She whispered to the baby then laughed to herself, feeling silly. _Does it even have ears yet?_

"Sorry about that, Babe." Brian apologized as he entered the living room, taking Olivia in his arms and kissing her. He had gotten a call from his Captain about a case they had just wrapped up and had spent more time than he'd wanted to on the phone.

"tell me you don' have to go in tonight."

"Nope, all good!" he took her hand. "come, I want you to open your present."

"Isn't it a little early for that?"

"Nope, 12:02am, it is officially Christmas!" he kissed her before sitting her down on the sofa and going over to the three to retrieve her gift from underneath.

"I thought we were gonna exchange tomorrow when everyone is here."

"We will, but this one…" he said as he took a huge, beautifully wrapped box from beneath the tree. "Is special!" her mouth fell open at the size of the box. It was about a foot tall and at least two feet wide on either side. He'd definitely piqued her interest.

"Bri, what did you do?" she asked incredulously as he sat the giant box on her lap and sat beside her.

"Merry Christmas, Babe!"

"Merry Christmas!" Their lips met for a long kiss before she looked down at the box again and squealed gleefully like an excited child and began to unwrap it. She carefully undid the bow and lifted the lid from the box. He sat watching, waiting for her reaction. She removed the tissue paper and was surprised to see another, slightly smaller box inside that was about a foot wide all around and 8 or 9 inches high. She looked at him perplexed. He gave a sly smile. She turned her attention back to her gift and untied the ribbon on the smaller box and opened it, again, more tissue paper. She took the paper out and couldn't help but laugh when she saw yet another box inside. This one was about six inches square, height and width.

"You're serious about this?" she couldn't stop laughing. He simply shrugged innocently as she untied the ribbon and began removing the tissue paper. "Brian, so help me, if there is another box insi-"

Her heart stopped. She looked over at him, she was speechless. She then looked back down at the box. This was the reaction he was waiting for.

Her hands were trembling as she reached inside and lifted out _the_ little blue box tied with a white silk ribbon. The other boxes fell from her lap and onto the floor "oh my God!"

"Go ahead, open it" it made him happy to see her so excited. Her hands were still shaking and she felt like she couldn't breathe as she untied the ribbon from the box, letting it fall into her lap. She opened it and inhaled deep before lifting out the black velvet box inside. Her chest was heaving and tears were falling. She paid no attention to the fact that Brian had now moved from the sofa, down to the floor and was kneeling on one knee in front of her and she was not prepared when she opened that little velvet box saw the most perfect 2 Carat, square cut solitaire. In that moment, badass Benson temporarily ceased to exist, leaving a soft, pink, sobbing girl in her place.

"Bri…" she could barely get the words out. "I-is this…" he smiled and took the ring from the box and took her left hand in his, looking into her eyes.

"Liv I'm no good with words, but I'm good with you; we're good together. And, what I knew 15 years ago is the same as what I know now; that I love you!" now he was crying too. "you already have my heart; I want you to have my name. Will you marry me, Babe?" he slipped the ring on her finger and kissed it.

She was crying so hard, she couldn't speak so instead she nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes!" she cried as she threw her arms around him and pulled him in for a passionate kiss.

They ended up making love right there on the sofa. Afterwards, they lay there in basking in the serenity of the moment, her body on top of his, his chin resting on the top of her head while he stroked her hair.

"I can't believe how beautiful it is." she was staring at the ring on her finger. He entwined his fingers with hers. "I love it."

"and I love you!" he said. She smiled sweetly. "what are you thinking for the wedding? Big event?" she shook her head.

"No. _Very_ small, and intimate, nothing fancy"

"we could do it soon then" she sat up, straddling him, the throw blanket that covered them falling around her naked hips.

"How soon?"

"New Years Eve?" he kissed her hand.

"Wow!"

"Too soon?"

"Perfect"

"so, it's a go?"

"I don't know" she looked down at her stomach "what do you think?"

"Babe, who are you talking to?" she looked up at him and smiled, tears filling her eyes once more. She took his hand and placed it on her stomach.

"Your baby." Now he was the one in shock. He put both hands to her stomach and for a long moment, he just allowed his fingers to roam over it as if he could feel the life growing inside her. He was completely overwhelmed, but in the best way possible!

"My – I'm gonna be a father? " a huge smile spreading across his face.

"Merry Christmas, Baby!

**If you'd like to see the ring, go here . ?GroupSku=GRP10057&selectedSku=2607271 **


	3. Chapter 3 - The Next Phase

**SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG, BUT I WANTED IT TO BE RIGHT BEFORE I GAVE IT TO YOU GUYS. I PROMISED TO KEEP IT INTERESTING AND I HOPE I'VE DELIVERED ON THAT PROMISE. ALSO AS PROMISED, THIS CHAPTER IS MUCH LONGER THAN THE LAST. QUICK WARNING, I GOT A TINY BIT GRAPHIC IN A COUPLE OF AREAS SO IF VIOLENCE BOTHERS YOU, PLEASE DON'T READ. ASIDE FROM THAT, I HOPE YOU ENJOY!**

* * *

They'd found a beautiful Inn on Long Island that housed a gorgeous little chapel inside. They'd both fallen in love with it the moment they laid eyes on it and were relieved when the innkeeper told them that they had just gotten a cancellation that very morning and that the place was theirs if they wanted it. They jumped on it and began planning with just a few days to go.

New Years Eve rolled around and at 4:00pm that afternoon, Olivia and Brian got married in a small, intimate ceremony just as Olivia had planned. She was radiant in a strapless chiffon, cream colored gown, her hair falling around her gorgeous face in soft curls. Captain Cragen looked like a proud Father as he walked her down the aisle and actually got teary-eyed when it came time to give her away. The ceremony was beautiful. Brian cried as he said his vows, but Olivia managed to keep her composure. When Judge Donnelly pronounced them man and wife, Brian was passionately kissing his bride before that part had even been spoken.

The wedding was followed by a small reception that was over by 7:00 so that their guests could go about their New Years Eve plans. Liv and Brian decided that they would spend their wedding weekend at the beautiful little Inn they'd just gotten married in. Brian carried her up to their room and as soon as they'd gotten inside, he tossed his jacket on the chair and they were like two teenagers in heat! She kicked off her heels as they kissed and then turned her back to him so that he could unzip her gown, thankful that her evening morning sickness had stopped 3 days ago. His lips never left her neck as he undid the clasp and then pulled the zipper down. She turned back to face him before letting her gown fall to the floor and Brian's eyes nearly jumped from his head when he saw the delicate cream lace bustier that left very little to his imagination and matching barely-there panties that she was wearing underneath.

"WOW!" Was all he could say.

"You like?" she asked while unbuttoning his shirt. He was speechless and just nodded while his mouth hung open. "I bet you'd love to take it off me huh?" she slowly peeled his shirt from his body and began to plant sensuous kisses on his chest and neck

"Yes." Hs voice cracked like a pubescent boy. She smiled, loving how beautiful she felt at the effect she had on him.

"So what are you waiting for? She asked in a in a low, sultry voice that was so sexy, he nearly came right there at just the sound of it! She put her hands to his chest and gave him a push, sending him falling backwards onto the king-sized bed and in a flash, she was on top of him, straddling his waist and kissing him passionately, her chest pressed against his. In seconds, his tongue was in her mouth and he had rolled her onto her back.

"I hope these walls are thick, 'cause it's about to get loud!" he said and went back to kissing his bride. They made love again and again throughout the night, ringing in the New Year in each others arms. Later they lay in bed, she snuggled quietly against him.

"…you ok?"

"yeah… just…" he could hear the emotion in her voice. She was on the verge of tears.

"what's wrong Babe?" he felt her tears drop.

"I'm just really missing my mom right now! I got married, I'm having a baby… and she's not here."

"I wish I could have gotten to know her."

"She was amazing! So beautiful, and so strong, even in spite of… I just thought we'd have more time."

"You think she would have liked me?"

"no." she said and laughed. "My mother hated that I became a cop and she probably would have hated the idea of me marrying one even more. But I just know that she would have grown to love you once she saw how happy you make me… all she ever wanted was for me to be happy." She wipes her tears.

"then she probably wouldn't want you to be crying on your wedding night." He said and kissed the top of her head, she hugged him tighter. There was a brief silence before she spoke again.

"Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think Heaven exists?"

"I do. Why do you ask?"

"…because I need to believe that she's somewhere beautiful." Though his heart was breaking for her at that moment, he couldn't help but smile at the beauty of her sentiment and he felt tears sting his own eyes.

"I'm sure she is." She loved him so completely in that moment and there was no need for another word between them that night, except for what was spoken through their hearts to one another.

* * *

**SIX WEEKS LATER, VALENTINES DAY**

Valentine's Day was special for two reasons: it was the first they'd spend together as a married couple and, it was the first morning that she'd woken up to with no morning sickness!

When she opened her eyes, she was all smiles. And like every morning since Christmas, the very first thing she did was look at her hand and smile. She still couldn't believe that they had done it, engaged and married in just one week, and now, six weeks later, she was still bursting with happiness! It all felt surreal. Olivia Benson wasn't that girl, she didn't do happy because it never worked for her. And yet here she was, married, pregnant, with an incredible husband that she needed to locate because she was suddenly very horny just thinking about him. _Damn, these pregnancy hormones are something else! _She thought to herself just as he walked into the room, still in his robe and carrying a giant bouquet of red and white roses.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Mrs. Cassidy!" he said as he put the flowers in her arms and kissed her. She was smiling ear to ear!

"Happy Valentine's Day! Where on earth did you get roses at 7:30 the morning?" he shrugged.

"Babe, it's new York. What _can't _you get at 7:30 in the morning?" he kissed her again. She caught his scent and wanted to devour him right at that moment. He put his hand on her tiny belly. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"no nausea but.." she kissed his lips. "I'm ridiculously horny right now!" she whispered.

"Oh yeah? Well, I need to get ready for work, but if you if wanna join me in the shower, we can definitely scratch that itch!"

She didn't need to be told twice!

* * *

**1-6 PRECINCT 9AM**

She got to work that morning to find more flowers waiting on her desk, a huge arrangement of lilies along with a box of her favorite Swiss chocolates.

"Hey, how you feeling this morning?" Nick greeted enthusiastically.

"good" she smiled as she took off her coat. Nick got giddy when he saw her little belly and immediately went to greet the baby.

"Buenos días, cariño. ¿Está tomando con calma en mamá hoy? ¿Sí? Bueno."

"Nick…"

"un minuto." He said to Olivia before turning back to the baby. "Creo que tu mamá está celoso porque le gusta el tío Nick tanto. Sin embargo, no le digas que dije eso." Olivia laughed and looked down at her belly.

"tío Nick parece olvidar que mamá habla español con fluidez." Nick stood up.

"That always slips my mind." He grinned. It was adorable how close they were.

"Where is everyone?" She asked as she walked over to her desk. " and when did these get here?"

"Um Captain's in a meeting at 1PP, Fin is in court, Rollins just walked in and the flowers got here five minutes ago." Olivia grabbed the chocolates and began tearing at the package with her teeth while she leaned against her desk.

"need some help there, Liv?" Nick asked, amused.

"I'm good." She replied, still gnawing on the plastic covering.

"Hey guys." Amanda greeted before she rubbed Olivia's belly. "Hi baby!" she cooed and continued talking to the baby. It amazed Olivia how a pregnant belly could reduce a squad of decorated officers to mushy, giggling-

"Yes!" she exclaimed, a bit too excited when she finally got through the plastic. She didn't even care that Nick and Amanda were staring at her. She just opened the box and happily began eating the delicious confections.

"so, you and Cassidy got plans for the evening?" Amanda asked as she took a chocolate from the box and popped it in her mouth."Oh my lord, these are better than sex!" she exclaimed

"you're not sleeping with the right one." Olivia grinned. "he made plans, I don't know what they are but if this morning is any indication, it's gonna be good!"

"a good man is so hard to find, especially in this city!" she said as she helped herself to more chocolate.

"yeah, but sometimes, he's a lot closer than you think." she sucked the chocolate from her thumb and sat the box down on her desk. "I'm gonna go call mine and thank him." She said as she walked off towards the cribs. "help yourself to the chocolate!"

"I was already gonna eat it but thanks!" Olivia laughed as she disappeared from the squad room. Nick watched her walk away and he couldn't help but smile. In the almost 3 years they'd been partners, he'd literally watched her transform from a guarded introvert to a happy, vibrant woman in love with life. He couldn't even begin to understand where she found the strength after the hell she'd gone through last spring…

_As he quietly crept closer, he could hear a voice from inside:_

"_I gotta say, detective, you were the SWEETEST piece of ass I ever had the pleasure of doin!"_

_Nick could feel his blood begin to boil! "But as you know, all good things have to end… any last words?" He was going to kill her! Nick signaled the team to stand down and he sped up his pace. He had to get to her! Why couldn't he hear her? Was it already too late?_

_He'll never forget the scene in front of him when he entered that bedroom; his partner, his strong, fearless partner naked and broken on a blood stained mattress, he couldn't tell if she were even conscious and that animal was leaning over her with a knife. _

"_I guess this is goodbye!" Lewis said as he raised the knife, intent on plunging it through her chest. Nick didn't hesitate. He raised his weapon and from the doorway he fired a single shot into the Lewis's back quickly dropping the man to his knees before he fell, facedown onto the floor, blood pooling around his body._

"_STAND DOWN!" he yelled to the team when he heard their footsteps approaching. He wouldn't allow them to see Olivia in this state and he quickly scanned the room for something to cover her with. He grabbed the blanket from the sofa against the wall and ran over to the bed, draping it over her body as the team entered the room. He sat cradling her in his arms._

"_Liv? Liv open your eyes! Please open your eyes!" he begged as he checked her neck for a pulse. Her left eye was swollen shut and there were so many cuts and bruises, she was barely recognizable. "She's alive, GET A BUS!" he yelled, relieved. He pulse was weak but it was there. He prayed that she would be ok. A moan came from the floor and Fin, in an absolute rage ran over to Lewis and began violently stomping on his body._

"_YOU MUTHAFUCKER!" he screamed as he continued stomping. The other officers in the room knew that they should stop him but this was one of their own that he'd brutalized and so they decided to let Fin have his way for a little longer. Fin stomped and kicked until he heard bones begin to crack in the man's body and he kept going. The officers ran to pull him away, but not before Fin delivered a final stomp to Lewis's ribs, relishing in the sound they made as they shattered under his boot._

_Olivia finally came to in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. She was completely hysterical. Nick had tried his best to comfort her but she was disoriented and terrified. When she finally noticed that it was her partner and that Lewis was gone, she completely broke down sobbing, but she was so dehydrated that there were no tears for her to cry. Nick slowly reached out to her and took hold of her hand. She squeezed it as if it were her lifeline and in that moment he cursed himself for not protecting her from this while tears spilled from his eyes for what she'd gone through._

"DETECTIVE AMARO!" Munch yelled, standing inches away from him. Nick suddenly snapped out of his trance.

"What? I'm… sorry Sarge.

"Save the daydreaming for break time. You and Benson and head over to Mercy. We got a 10 year old that just tested positive for pregnancy _and _gonorrhea." Nick sighed. He should be used to the degeneracy by now but it never fails to shock him.

"On our way!"

* * *

**BENSIDY APARTMENT 5:20PM**

Olivia got home a bit after 5 that evening surprised to see that Brian was already there… and in a tuxedo.

"Why are you in a tuxedo?" she said before kissing him quick on the lips.

"well we can't exactly have a romantic night on the town in jeans, can we?"

"We're going out?"

"Yep. So you should probably get dressed, the limo will be here soon."

"you got a limo?"

"I did."

"What am I gonna wear?"

"Already taken care of, now…" he kissed her. "get ready" she eagerly headed to the bedroom where she found a garment bag on the bed. she picked it up and unzipped it, inside was a gorgeous red dress. She smiled before putting it down and going to the bathroom for a shower. by the time she was ready almost 45 minutes later she was breathtaking! The dress hugged every curve beautifully and showed off her bump without being too tight and it stopped a few inches above her knee to show off her gorgeous long legs. Her hair fell beautifully around her face and her makeup was flawless. She was a vision to behold.

"WOW!" Brian exclaimed when she walked out of their bedroom. "You look amazing!" she smiled.

"you don't look so bad yourself!"

"The car is downstairs, you ready?" she nodded. He helped her into her coat and handed her purse to her.

They had a romantic dinner at Aureole and after, he surprised her with tickets to Coppélia, in spite of the fact that he hated the ballet but, he sat through all 2 and ½ hours because she loved it. Later when they got home, they took a bubble bath together and afterwards he gave her a sensual massage before they made passionate love by candlelight.

He would have a hard time topping this next year!

* * *

**OFFICE OF DR. MAYA VAWNLY OB/GYN 1 WEEK LATER**

Olivia sat nervously on the exam table waiting for Dr. Vawnly while she and Brian talked.

"…you're 16 weeks today. The doctor said at our last appointment that it's time to consider scheduling the amniocentesis and we still haven't decided."

"Yeah, I know. I just..."

"I know."

"abnormalities."

He walked over to the table and stood in front of her, running a hand over her small bump, a contemplative look on his face. "…you thought about it much?"

"yeah." She whispered. Her apprehension was evident in her voice.

"But…?"

"Look, I know that me being over forty puts us at a higher risk of something being wrong but… just having the test is a risk in itself. I could get an infection, my water could break, Brian I could miscarry… It just… it doesn't seem worth it." tears filled her eyes as she protectively wrapped her arms around her child. "I couldn't handle it if I lost this baby!"

"…you're not gonna lose our baby." He assured as he put his arm around her.

"…it was a slim-to-none chance of me getting pregnant in the first place, after what Lew-" She took a nervous deep breath and suddenly grew quiet, the memory was still too painful. But he understood. He'd been there at the hospital, gone through it with her. He'd seen what was in the reports; severe injury from sustained rape with a foreign object. That bastard had used the end of a striking wrench to further violate her in his final act of depravity. He'd severely lacerated her cervix, and after they'd repaired the damage she'd developed a lot of scar tissue that the doctor said would make it extremely difficult, if not impossible for her to ever get pregnant. And even though she hadn't been trying at the time she'd conceived, she considered this baby to be her miracle, they both did.

"hey, we're not gonna think like that. We're making this decision based on doing what's best for our baby."

"or what's best for us? I just feel as if the whole idea of this test is to find out whether or not child is perfect enough for us to want to keep it. Bri, I loved this baby from the second I knew that he or she was growing inside me, and that love is only growing stronger with each passing day!"

"I know." He agreed as he softly rubbed her belly. She closed her eyes and sighed before speaking, placing her hand over his on her belly.

"Brian, I want our baby no matter what. There is nothing that test can say that will change that, I mean, if there is something wrong, we'll deal with it, right? Unless… unless you can't. and if that's the case-"

"Liv, _we_ made this baby. This is my child and I already love it! I don't care if it has… 8 arms or a butt growing on top of its head" she laughed "there is _nothing_ we can't handle as long as we're doing it together."

"so it's okay if I don't want the test?"

"it's okay." She threw her arms around him and breathed a sigh of relief.

"I don't know what I'd do without you." She said, still holding him tight.

"You'll never know." He promised as he pulled away and looked her square in the eye. "I'm yours Liv, forever… or until you don't want me anymore and even then, good luck getting rid of me!" she smiled and took his hands in hers.

"So I guess we've made a decision?"

"I guess we have." He leaned in and kissed her lips as she put her hands to his face, cupping it, then wrapping her legs around him as the kiss grew more passionate. Just then, Dr. Vawnly entered the examination room."

"I am so sorry for the wait… but it looks like you two are just fine without me!" she laughed.

"Hey Doc." Brian said, totally embarrassed as Olivia buried her head in his chest, cringing.

"So, Mr. and Mrs. Cassidy" they both smiled, loving to be reminded that they were husband and wife. "we can probably find out the sex of the baby today if you wanna know." They looked at each other before Olivia spoke.

"No. We wanna wait… for everything, which is why we've decided against having the amnio."

"And you're both sure about this?"

"we are"

"Okay then. Just let me inform you that if you decide to change your minds, there is still plenty of time."

"Thanks Dr. Vawnly but, we won't need it." Brian said. Olivia looked up at him and smiled.

* * *

**S/N: In case anyone is wondering why I chose to have Olivia remember her mother so fondly, it's because of the very first episode of SVU. It was the one and only time that Serena Benson was ever shown but in that brief moment, it was obvious that she loved Olivia very much and that Olivia loved her too. I thought it was a beautiful moment when she told Olivia that although she hates the man who raped her, if he hadn't, she wouldn't have Olivia and then she held her daughters hand as they looked at each other with so much love in their eyes. I will never understand why, after such a strong show of emotion between the two women, the writers decided to depict the relationship as something ugly and abusive. I can accept that Serena was an alcoholic, because I fully understand her needing a way to cope with the trauma she'd gone through but I will ever accept the ugly version of Serena Benson so I choose to let Olivia's relationship with her mother be a sacred one, something warm and full of love like what we saw in 1:1 because I fell in love with **_**that**_** Serena and if ever she is depicted in any future stories, that is the Serena I will stay true to!**

**Reviews are much appreciated so please let me know how I'm doing. Oh, and if the Spanish sucks, blame google translator!**


	4. Chapter 4 - Secrets Revealed

**IT TOOK A LITTLE LONGER THAN I'D ANTICIPATED BUT IT'S HERE! I'M STILL TRYING MY BEST TO KEEP IT INTERESTING AND I HOPE THAT I'VE DONE A GOOD JOB SO PLEASE LEAVE REVIEWS, GOOD OR BAD AND LET ME KNOW. DICK WOLF, NBC AND UNIVERSAL OWN THE CHARACTERS BUT THE STORY IS ALL MINE! ENJOY!**

* * *

Ever since their last sonogram, Brian noticed that something about Olivia was off. She'd often completely zone out for long moments and whenever he'd ask her about it, she'd just shrug it off and say it was nothing. He knew better but he also knew not to push. As long as she knew that he'd be there to listen, she'd tell him when she was ready, if there were in fact, something to tell. He waited, but, nothing. The weeks went by, it continued, but she never brought it up.

Early one afternoon, he decided to stop in at the 1-6 to check on her, he entered the squad room and was greeted by Nick.

"Hey, Cassidy, what are you doing here in the middle of the day?"

"Just came to check on Liv, she around?"

"Sleeping. She looked tired so Captain sent her to the cribs to rest."

"I won't wake her then." He paused for a moment. "hey, Amaro, you're around Liv most of the day… you notice anything strange lately?"

"you mean those sad, far-off looks? Yeah. I've noticed. She okay?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out. She say anything?"

"Yeah. That it's nothing and she's fine." Brian smirked.

"Typical Liv. I'm gonna go say hi to Cragen before I go. Have her call me when she wakes up?"

"yeah."

"Thanks man." He said before heading into Cragen's office.

Late that night, he'd picked her up from work and it happened again on the way home. she just sat there in the car, staring off into space like she was lost somewhere in her own head.

"Liv?" It was like she wasn't there. "Olivia!

"what?" she answered, suddenly snapping out of it.

"what's goin on with you?"

"Bri, I already told you…"

"_it's nothing_. Yeah, I know. Except we both know that it's not."

"You worry too much!" she said and turned to stare out the window, which he knew was her way of ending the conversation. _You need to tell him! _She heard a voice say in her head. _It'll only hurt him._ She argued back as she continued to stare blankly out the window.

* * *

**SPRING**

By the time April rolled around, at 5 and ½ months, the cute little bump was now a full-blown belly and Olivia loved it! She was astounded at how her body changed as the baby continued growing inside her. What she didn't love, however, was the heartburn that she'd been having lately. Her doctor assured her that this was a normal occurrence in pregnancy and recommended antacids… she was pretty much living on TUMS these days! Her little episodes continued but she had gotten really good at pushing the thoughts out of her mind but the guilt was eating away at her.

Still, she coped with the guilt deciding that she might as well deal with it since she couldn't go back and change what she'd done. And she tried her best to go along as if nothing happened.

"It's downright sickening how happy you are!" Amanda told her as they sat getting pedicures. They both had the day off and since Brian was working, She and Rollins decided to have a girl's day out.

"Um… thanks?" Amanda laughed.

"No, I just mean… it's frustrating… not you, it's… can you keep a secret?"

"Can Olivia Benson keep a secret? Hmmm…" Olivia joked.

"there's this guy and… hell I'm hot for him! Liv, I want him bad!"

"this guy have a name?" she asked before popping a few TUMS in her mouth.

"I can't tell you that."

"Because?"

"Because, I'm embarrassed."

"Rollins, grow up!"

"It's Nick!"

"Amaro?"

"yes. and to be honest, it sucks because I don't think he even notices me!" a thought ran through Olivia's had but instead of speaking it, she simply raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"hmm"

"you know what would be great?"

"what?"

"you guys are super close, maybe you could… put in a word for me?"

"I don't know about that..."

"Liv, PLEASE! You don't know what this is doing to me… being around him in the bullpen every day, I can't focus! All I can think about is him slamming me down on a desk and fu-"

"Okay…! Just breathe!"

"I'm sorry… I just want him so bad. Please, you gotta do this for me!" Olivia sighed.

"I'll try." Amanda became giddy. "…but no promises!"

"totally understand." Still, it was impossible to keep the smile off her face at just the thought of having a chance with Nick!

* * *

**THE NEXT DAY…**

"You did WHAT?" Nick yelled as he and Olivia rode up in the elevator on their way to the squad room"

"Shhhhh! Keep your voice down!"

"You told her, you'd hook us up!"

"no, not exactly. What I said was, I'd put in a word, big difference!"

"Liv, you know I hate Blondes! And Rollins… she looks like the poster child for Sweden!" Olivia couldn't help but laugh as he doors opened on their floor and they got off the elevator.

"come on… just, maybe turn on the charm a little?" she asked as they walked towards the squad room. They were now both speaking in hushed tones.

"Liv, I have to work with this woman, I can't be putting out false vibes"

"I'm not asking you to shove your tongue down her throat, just tell her she looks nice once in a while."

"Nick rolled his eyes as they walked through the doors of the squad room. Suddenly, Olivia stopped cold and put her hand to her belly, unsure if what she just felt had been real. She kept her hand pressed to the spot on her belly, and there it was again. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes went wide as she felt her baby kick against her hand. She gasped in complete shock as she looked up at Nick.

"Liv?"

"It kicked! The baby just kicked!" she exclaimed as she grabbed Nicks hand and put it to her belly, and just that fast, she was gone again, lost somewhere in her thoughts. She didn't notice that her baby kicked twice more for Uncle Nick, nor did she notice the huge smile on his face. When she finally came back a moment later…

"I'm sorry what?"

"where where you just now?" he asked, worried.

"I… nowhere." She lied, trying to shake it off. "I'm gonna go call Brian." She said and walked away before he had a chance to reply.

* * *

**TWO MONTHS LATER…**

The next couple of months flew by pretty quickly. As they passed, Olivia's guilt only grew and wouldn't leave her alone. Her heart pressed her every day confess to Brian but her head refused, telling her heart to keep quiet in spite of what she knew was the right thing to do. She listened to her head and tried to put it all behind her and revel in the joy that Brian and their unborn child brought to her life, and she'd done a pretty good job at doing just that but then, in May, they'd gotten news from the DA's office and it wasn't good.

Lewis's trial was set to begin early September; just a few weeks after she was scheduled to give birth. She tried to put it out of her mind but with each passing day, her apprehension about having to face her attacker began to consume her; she was terrified! She tried to hide it but everyone could see it. Especially Brian. He knows exactly where this is headed. She will not survive this trial. Facing that monster again will destroy her, it will ruin her emotionally and he knows that he has to do something before she goes over the edge.

"How about we go grab lunch at that little Bistro you love so much?" he said as he sat on the edge of her desk. For the last month, she had been primarily on desk duty which he loved because he didn't have to worry her and the baby being harmed at a crime scene. Whenever he could, he would pop in to the 1-6 to check on her.

"I'm not really hungry" she said, staring at the same set of papers she'd been staring at for over an hour.

"Liv, we talked about this. You can't just not eat."

"I'll eat later."

"You'll eat now." no sooner than the words had left his mouth, his phone went off. He quickly read the text message. "Shit! Babe I gotta go, I'll send delivery."

"I-" she started to protest but Nick cut her off

"Don't worry man, I got it." he assured Brian. Olivia turned and glared at him.

"Thanks man!" he turned to Olivia . "I'm off early today so I'll be here at 6 to take you home." he kissed her quickly on the lips." Love you! Nick, thanks man!" she said and left. Olivia quickly turned to look at Nick again.

"What the hell was that?"

"Come on Liv" Nick said as he approached her desk. "You really want him worrying about you while he's out there?" she sighed. As much as she hated t admit it, Nick was right. She's been a detective long enough to know that it could be disastrous if your focus isn't where it should be.

"I know" she sighed "I just have a lot on my mind."

"you wanna talk?"

"not really."

"as long as you know I'm here." She forced a smile and nodded.

"Thanks Nick."

No problem. Now, what do you wanna eat?" she rolled her eyes and smirked as she took the menus from his hand, realizing that she wasn't winning this one.

Outside in the car…

"What the hell were you thinking? I told you, we can't afford to be careless. I was with my wife when that text came in! …no, just… I'm on my way!" and he ended the call before driving off.

* * *

**LATER THAT EVENING, BENSIDY APARTMENT.**

After making a run to get spicy nachos for Olivia when she developed a sudden craving, Brian entered the apartment to find her on the sofa watching a story about Lewis's impending trial on the news and she was visibly upset.

"Babe?"

"he's gonna beat trial!" she said numbly without even turning to look at him "I don't know how but he's gonna beat it!" she cried as she rocked back and forth. He hurried over and turned the television off, then sat beside her, putting his arms protectively around her.

"Liv, don't do his to yourself. The stress isn't good for either of you!"

"I'll never be free of him!"

"Don't talk that way, come on, there is no way he's getting off!"

"I did this. I've been a terrible person and all of this is God punishing me!"

"you don't believe that"

"All these years… what I did to Kathy… what I did to you! And all these years I tried to convince myself that I'm still a good person…"

"Liv, stop! He was just as just as much to blame for what happened between you two all those years. And me, I forgave you a long time ago for what happened between us. It's in the past!" she turned to look at him, her eyes wet with tears.

"You can't forgive me for what you don't know." She said to him, the tears were now starting to fall.

"What I don't know? Don't know about what?" she wished that she could take the words back.

"You'll hate me."

"I'd never hate you" she grew quiet for a long moment, looking down at her belly, running her hand over it as if that gesture alone would somehow give her the courage to face what she'd done. He felt sick inside wondering what she had to say and he wasn't so sure that he wanted to hear it. Without taking her eyes from her belly, and tears dropping, she began speaking.

"I…that night…" she wiped the tears that were falling from her nose with the back of her hand. "that night we spent together 15 years ago… a few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant and I had an abortion." He was stunned into a long silence.

"Brian?"

"is this some kind of sick joke?" his voice was full of hurt and anger but when he spoke, he didn't yell, even once, instead, he kept a calm tone.

"I'm sorry." She said barely above a whisper. She still couldn't look at him.

"After 15 years you tell me that you aborted my baby..." he choked back a sob. "…and you're _sorry_?"

"I –"

"Don't." he got up and grabbed his keys, heading for the door.

"where are you going"

"I can't be here right now." he said without looking back and walked out the door.

"Brian…" she called as it slammed shut. "FUCK!" she screamed in frustration, while outside in the hall, Brian entered the stairwell. Once the door closed, he paced the landing while rubbing his forehead as tears spilled from his eyes. He stopped pacing and backed himself against a wall, his mind was a complete mess. He ran a hand down his face to wipe his tears but they were just as quickly replaced by new ones. Feeling as though he could no longer stand, he sank down to the floor and, sitting with his back against the wall, rested his elbows on his knees, hung his head into his hands and began sobbing.

* * *

12:17am, He'd been in that stairwell for hours, sitting there, against that wall. He had exhausted his tears hours ago but he couldn't move; He just needed… he let out a deep breath, her words had been playing over and over in his head, trying to make it make sense and he couldn't help but think back to all those years ago...

…_don't get used to it!_ She teased as she tied her robe. They'd just had mind-blowing sex and were about to go for another round when her pager went off and she had to go. It was already too late. He'd loved her from the moment he met her but that night, from the second he'd gotten inside her and heard her moan beneath him, he knew that she was his home, even if she couldn't see it, he knew. He wanted more but she was unable to give it and she made a clean break. Only, it wasn't so clean. He'd left a piece of himself behind – a life growing inside her, a life that he never knew existed until tonight, a life that he was now mourning sitting on the floor of a stairwell…he felt his eyes fill with tears again. _How could she not tell me?_ He wondered. _I was there! She knew how I felt about her, she had to have known how I would have felt about that baby… Our baby… _he stopped himself as he felt his tears flood his face again and suddenly he found himself remembering this past Christmas after they'd just made love and she told him that she was carrying their child. He would never forget the look on her face; her beautiful face that was so full of love for him and their child as she cradled his hand against her stomach. Until that moment, she had been his entire world but the moment those words left her mouth… _"Your Baby" _suddenly, just that fast, _they _were his world! He felt a connection to that child, a love for it that he knew he'd die to protect… a connection he was denied fifteen years ago and yet still, with all the hurt and anger he felt at the situation, he couldn't bring himself to be angry with her because regardless of what she'd done, he loved her with every fiber of his entire being, and he knew that he could forgive her anything… even this

* * *

Inside the apartment, Olivia was still awake. Seeing how hurt he'd been, it was like a dagger through her chest because she was the one who'd caused his pain and she couldn't stop crying. She stood there, by the window, in her nightgown and robe. The baby was especially active right now and she rubbed her belly trying to calm it, while she pressed her other hand against her aching back.

"It's okay, little one" she said in the most soothing tone she could muster but, the truth was, she didn't know if she believed her own words. A rogue tear escaped her eye and ran down the side of her face. She thought she was all cried out but apparently not, and she was just about to wipe it away when she heard his key in the door and she turned around just as he stepped inside. Their eyes met and they both froze for a moment before he finally broke the awkward silence.

"Hey." He said. She let out a nervous breath and more tears fell from her eyes. That one word let her know that they were ok.

"Hey." She replied, relieved. Faster than she knew it, she'd made her way across the room and was in his arms sobbing. "I'm so sorry!"

"No, Babe. I was wrong to walk out like that." He said through his own tears.

"It's okay." She cried, squeezing him tighter. "I didn't do what I did to hurt you!"

"I know." He pulled away and cradled her face in his hands, his thumbs wiping away her tears. Please don't cry. I understand that you had your reasons and we need to talk about it, we will talk about it, but not tonight. Tonight I just want to hold you and make love to you… just drown in us. Is that okay?"

She caressed his face, wiping his tears as she did and smiled through her own.

"That's more than okay!" still holding her face in his hands, he leaned in and sweetly kissed her lips. They never broke contact as he scooped her up in his arms, cradling her as his tongue slipped between her lips and the kiss grew hungry…fervent even. He felt her hands in his hair as he carried her to the bedroom and slammed the door behind them with his foot. Before long, they had completely stripped each other and were making passionate love. Later, as she lay sleeping in his arms, he lay awake, turning everything over in his head. They didn't need to talk about it, it was the past and he decided that that's where it should stay – the past. Just seeing how hard it had been for her these past months, it haunted her every day. And he wouldn't partake in making her feel any worse than she already did. They were together, right here, right now because it was meant to be and everything that happened before this point was specifically for the purpose of leading them to where they are. He was a firm believer in destiny and he knew that that's what they were. He gently put his hand to her belly and felt their child moving inside her. Yes, everything was just as it should be and there was no need to dwell on the past.

* * *

**A FEW WEEKS LATER…**

Instead of their usual Wednesday night date night, she and Brian decided to stay home and watch a movie. With Olivia eight and a half months pregnant and the city in the middle of a terrible heat wave, home with the air conditioning was her favorite thing these days.

"Less than 2 months to go before the two of us become the three of us." Olivia smiled and put her head on his shoulder. "I wonder if there'll be more after this one?"

"I'm thinking at least one more. I wouldn't want him or her to grow up an only child…" she was suddenly quiet. " Babe, what if I can't get pregnant again?

"Positive thoughts."

"it's more than likely."

"We'll cross that bridge if we come to it." he said. Just then his phone rang and he reached to grab it from the coffee table.

"Cassidy." He answered. "now?" he gave a tired sigh. "yeah, alright." And he ended the call.

"Sorry babe." He kissed her forehead. "I gotta go, Cruz is ready to talk."

"can't they get someone else take his statement?" she whined as he got up. ever since the news f Lewis's trial, she had become so clingy and she hated it!

"he wants to talk to me. "

"you won't be long, will you?"

"a couple hours tops. You need anything before I go?"

"No" she said rubbing her belly. "we're fine."

"K." he said before kissing her sweetly on the lips. "love you babe!" he said ad kissed her belly before walking out the front door. He hadn't been gone a minute when her phone began ringing. She picked it up and saw that it was Nick.

"Hey Nick."

"Hey, Liv is Brian there with you?"

"No, he got called in. what's goin on?"

"I have news about your trial." She froze. She closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing as her heart began beating faster. She knew that facing him in court would be inevitable since he'd survived Nicks bullet AND Fin's vicious attack but still, there was no way she'd ever be ready. Especially not while being pregnant. Her emotions where all over the pl-

"Liv, you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. What about the trial?"

"Liv, it's over!"

"I don't understand, what do you mean?"

"I asked the DA t let me be the one to tell you. He's dead Liv! Another inmate slit his throat…" he continued talking but Olivia didn't hear another word. Her breathing quickened as relief took over and a deluge of tears flooded her eyes and went pouring down her face as she broke into sobs. Nick stopped what he was saying and listened as she cried, his own eyes watering. After a long moment, she finally composed herself enough to speak.

"you're sure?" her voice was shaky.

"I'm staring at his corpse Liv, maybe you shouldn't be alone right now, do you need me to come over?"

"No, I promise. I am so good right now!" she exclaimed as she wiped her eyes. "I feel like I can finally be at peace!"

"If anybody deserves it, it's you!"

* * *

Outside, Brian had just pulled out of the parking garage and was driving down the street when his burner phone rang. He took it from the seat beside him and answered it.

"Yeah?"

"It's done." A voice said simply from the other end.

"How can I be sure?"

"I'm lookin at your wife's partner as we speak."

"Good. We're done." He said and hung up. just as the light turned green, his actual phone rang he looked at the screen to see that it was Olivia. He cleared his throat before answering as he continued driving. "hey babe…. What? You're kidding!" Olivia was beyond excited as she recounted to him everything that Nick had just told her. He continued driving as they talked, pretending that this was all news to him.

Later as he was driving over the bridge into Brooklyn, he tossed the burner phone into the river. He had no regrets. He was responsible for a man's brutal murder but as far as he was concerned, he'd done the world a favor, but more importantly, once again, he'd given her peace of mind. He did what he did what he had to do to spare his wife from having to face a monster, from having to sit in a courtroom and hang her head as she told dozens of people every sick detail of how he brutalized and humiliated her for four days; every twisted, perverted deviance he'd inflicted. No, he would never allow her to have to relieve those things and for that, he would never be sorry for what he'd done! He thought about how Lewis must have suffered. The look on his face as his throat was being ripped open and he died in a pool of his own blood.

_..best served cold, you sick fuck! _He thought to himself and smiled as he continued driving.

**So there it is. I know, I made Brian a little dark in this chapter but I wanted to explore a man's primal need to protect the woman he loves and so I went there. Hope you enjoyed reading! **


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